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Useless Facts

5/16/2014

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QUESTION: You seem to have a lot of factoids floating around in your head. You watch a lot of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire or something?

Oh c’mon man, people still watch that crap? I used t’ hang out at the library when books were still a thing. Read about unsolved mysteries, weird coincidences, paranormal encounters an’ shit. Pretty ironic, yeah? Here I am dead as a doornail – whatever the hell that means – tellin’ you I like ghost stories.

I guess I should mention that I kicked it pretty recently by mortal standards. Jala jus’ took m’ story an’ ran. Like I said in Chapter 01, time an’ space don’t work the same when you’re dead so it coulda been a second ago or five lifetimes ago an’ it’s all the same t’ me. The internet was around when I w’s alive, an’ so was Wikipedia. I ain’t e’en gonna bring up how long I sat clickin’ around on that site. All those clicks coulda fed a hundred billion puppies, I swear. Th’ charity sites ne’er answered m’ trivia questions though, jus’ tried t’ either make me feel guilty ‘bout somethin’ I didn’t do or good ‘bout clickin’ a link t’ feed a homeless pet like I jus’ cured th’ world o’ herpes or AIDs or somethin’. Whatever.

Here’s a factoid for ya: a “factoid” is a fact made up by the media. TV news kinda uses it now t’ mean a bit of trivia or useless info. Now me, I talk about some pointless shit. Woulda been great at Jeopardy or somethin’. 

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    Jus' what it says. You need an explanation for it? What, you start drinkin' before you clicked th' link t' get here? If so, share! Hell what's this look like, a charity? 

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